Once

Once upon a time I knew love
in a way
that made all the love songs
feel like made for today

It was morning and I loved
you at midday, I loved
in the evening, my love
the night soared
with our love

Your light woke me
above the dark corners
and all I could breathe in
was love
coffee burnt on the stove

but I needed no drink
when love kept me awake
as if nothing could take
what we had
and would make

If more love we would make
I’d die there

In the bed
of our heaviest air
and my hair
in your eyes
blind from love
deaf from cries

it all dies
when you hold back the heart
in the moment
where the heart
is the only
who knows what is growing –

But we gave it no chance.

So you talked of old loves
and I asked you to say
what you hadn’t quite processed
from your past till today

Like a friend I was there
crouched on your front stairs,
hearing loves of your past
come to present to last

in my bra there I waited
while the last girls you dated
you described bright and bold
as my chest turned to cold

I was wearing your boxers
since our last night of passion,
Felt more beautiful nude
than in all the best fashion

But to me, you said “stop”,
that you “cannot commit”
that “the timing’s not right”
but “please stay there and sit

as I talk of my past
and get all my baggage out,
you’re so good at holding tears
I’d need you in a drought”

Without a doubt

I’m the camel
and your love is the desert
and every grain of hot sand
burns my soul to a level

of hollow
of loss
of the love
that we tossed

it’s been years since the man
the only one I ever loved
and the few girls you loved
well, I’m sure they’re real dolls

but I would’ve loved you, baby
like a love goddess boss
not a doll, not a barbie…
I tell myself its your loss

as your excuses burn holes
as I wash the last bowl
of our after-love morning
with our love now in mourning

Speak to me like a lover
but a therapist you see
so that is what I am –
it’s what you need me to be

so tomorrow when I wake
I’ll learn from this mistake
and alone with my tea
love you less than I do me

Though I’m still there for you,
as my heart remains steady
I want to love once again,
I know that I’m ready

I had one love one time
and you loved a few, too
but if we can’t love together
what is “me and you”?

Just a moment, a thrill
A cute story to tell
Maybe we will be friends
as the love story ends

Every time it rains
you’ll think of me, you said
but what if the rain
washes me from your head?

like a thousand silent drops
You don’t hear me at all
but with every word you say
back to my own world I crawl

Because it’s not about us
when you just talk of them
and I listen, not your woman
but more your good friend

So your friend I could be
though I wish you’d loved me
but I’m glad I gave you comfort,
my love’s tender and free

As I say goodbye
and we part our ways
just know you were the sun
of my November days

This grey month you were born
the same my heart was torn
but you know they say the sprains
are just growing pains

So I plant some new seeds
to replace the one for you
that just a month ago
had started to bloom

now that tiny flower
fearing new love’s powers
in old heartaches’ waters
got drowned in your showers

but

I’ll find a new garden
Who knows, maybe soon
Though I still dream of you
and the love I once knew

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